playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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