A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
