I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
