She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
