So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
