filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
