That's when you crack a 10am beer
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
