I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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