can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
