he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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