Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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