he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
