There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
