Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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