Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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