we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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