yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
