i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
