he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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