haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize