Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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