You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
