I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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