Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
there's paper in my vomit.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He shit in the fireplace
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
