It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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