Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
