My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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