No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
