grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
