someone threw a dead crab at me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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