i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hippo gnu deer
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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