i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
