OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
