No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
