Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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