She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
