i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
