i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
