I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
