Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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