Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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