The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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