Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
