onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
