you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
