the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
