I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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