I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
