i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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