Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She announced her abortion via fbk
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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