i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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