he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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