just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
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I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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