I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
