man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
