Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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