no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
