once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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