im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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