so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
