I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
