make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
