Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
