Are we in a gay sports bar?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
