I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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