3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
