I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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