I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
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I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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