i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
