So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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