So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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