im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
