update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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